{"id":186,"date":"2022-09-12T12:21:29","date_gmt":"2022-09-12T19:21:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/?post_type=writing&#038;p=186"},"modified":"2022-10-08T11:19:42","modified_gmt":"2022-10-08T18:19:42","slug":"roots","status":"publish","type":"writing","link":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/writing\/roots\/","title":{"rendered":"Roots."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">why not root for myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I need to remind <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">myself of where I <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">come from<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">where I\u2019ve grown from<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">who I am<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">who I could be<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">there is fire underneath my <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">muscles but doubt festers above<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">all over<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">self doubt feels so good on my <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">skin it\u2019s comfortable<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">to sit in<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">to wear around<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">to move through the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">world in it knows me<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">and don\u2019t I just want to be known by <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">someone or something<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">even if it quietly burns all my bridges<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">that\u2019s what no one says<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">that the self doubt feels <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">good it\u2019s nice almost<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">a preface to what I don\u2019t want to <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">face a protective shield<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">against judgment<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">fuel for perfectionism <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">anxiety\u2019s fountain of <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">youth \u201cmore,\u201d it sings<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">as if it\u2019s giving me a <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">show that I wanted to <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">pay for<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">let the sun burn it off of me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">clean my skin with warmth <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">again let me be real again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">let me bleed into the life I\u2019ve been <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">missing let the truth seep into me<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">deep<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">let me remember where I\u2019ve come<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"> from who I am<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">where I\u2019ve been<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t want to spend all my days rebuilding <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">anymore I want to root for myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">and when I meet <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">you again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">be <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">built <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">be <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">whol<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">e be <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">new <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">know <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">me<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">root for me<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want to live in Lake <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tahoe by the lake<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">North Shore<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">drive to south shore on the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">weekends and Mammoth in the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">summers<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want to drive in from the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">airport Kenny Rogers on the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">radio<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll sing the wrong lyrics to \u201cThe <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Gambler\u201d or Paul Simon<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">you can call me <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Betty or The <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Cranberries,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">talk about Dreams we <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">had and have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Wide Open Spaces<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I listened to The Dixie Chicks in her <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">kitchen in April<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I like how she sees the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">world and I want to be in <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">it with her whole<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">yellow <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">hair <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">monkey<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">s<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">25lb. cat and all<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want to eat across from you<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">and make pasta in your grandmother\u2019s <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">kitchen in Brooklyn<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">she was thinking of <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">moving she didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can relate to her<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">and I\u2019ll try to make her laugh<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">she\u2019ll wink at you from across the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">table and neither of you will think that <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I saw it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t know if she\u2019ll like all of <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">me but she\u2019ll like some of what <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I say, she\u2019ll see too much of <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">herself in me like most <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">grandmothers do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">we\u2019ll walk around the city in the <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">winter in puff jackets<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll wear the one you made fun of<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">when I stocked the vitamin cooler last <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">summer you said, \u201cAre you following <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I said, \u201cSomething like that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">you\u2019ll show me all the places you became <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">yourself in all the places you went to in college<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">the place you grew <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">up in I\u2019ll be a child <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I always am with <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">you you always <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">smile at it like I\u2019m <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">a girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">who thinks Portugal is in South America,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">or a child who thinks shoes are a suggestion,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">a first grader who thinks \u201ccannot\u201d is two <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">words that made her lose the spelling bee in <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">first grade Nolan won.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want to drive into Lake Tahoe with Stephen King\u2019s memoir on my <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">lap in the backseat of her parents\u2019 car<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">they\u2019ll like me less<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">but I\u2019ll like me more this <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">time I\u2019ve found myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">they might not <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">know it but I do<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">o<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">o<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","meta":[],"genre":[29,26],"year":[44],"class_list":["post-186","writing","type-writing","status-publish","hentry","genre-poetry","genre-writing","year-44"],"acf":{"contributor":"Kylie Necochea","bio":"Kylie is a tutor at MiraCosta and is a student at UCSD. She likes turtles, pigeons, and any type of cat. Pigeons are amazing, and don\u2019t trust anyone who tells you otherwise.","text":"","contributor_page":null},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/writing\/186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/writing"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/writing"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"genre","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/genre?post=186"},{"taxonomy":"year","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dekonstruktr.com\/tidepools\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/year?post=186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}